san diego, the return.

 Midnight Juggernauts – Road to Recovery

Sunshine, californian blue sky. It’s just another beautiful day in southern california. I’m sitting on a train leaving San Diego on my way to Los Angeles. On my left side, the blue pacific ocean which I’m so familiar with; to the right, a city that for many years I called home; behind me, a past filled with memories, experiences, relationships, lessons. Looking at the surfers riding the waves as californian pelicans fly by, my brain instantaneously starts playing the movie of my life. I see scenes of love and hate, hope and self-destruction; I see motion, I feel emotional. Nostalgia fills my eyes with proud tears as it puts a clever smile on my lips. I easily identify the light path which I took, leaving the darkness behind. 

For a while I had forgotten how It feels to be with an old friend, to be loved by an old friend. I had forgotten the feeling of returning to a place where you feel like home. Warmth, receptivity, tenderness, devotion are only words compared to what I’m feeling. Things don’t seem to have changed much since I left, however I see all my friends making progress in their lives. Despite the fact I have been exposed to a whole new world and have been living a completely new lifestyle, I had the feeling that I fitted straight in. It felt like I had been away for a weekend or so, which only proves me that San Diego will always be a city with its arms wide open waiting for me. 

My californian chapter has probably been the most important of my life so far. A period marked by self-discovery, life learning experience, affection, and overall my road to recovery. In California, I found love for the first time. I loved like there was no tomorrow. I also loved drugs, alcohol and rock’n'roll like there was no tomorrow. It was a fun long party that appeared to be endless, nonetheless It ended at the age of 23. Furthermore, I have always believed that the after-party is much more fun than the party itself! It’s been a year since I decided to stay away from any sort of mind altering substances, over and above that It’s also been a year since my life has started making sense. Today I look back and smile for having gone through what I have. I smile for having loved and being loved, therefore I smile for having survived and learned my lessons. 

At this point of my life I am complete. I’ve found what I was looking for, I’ve found who I was looking for, thus I’ve found myself. Nowadays when I close my eyes, I clearly see the edge of my body, I see my role in this world, I have control of my actions, and consequently most of the reactions. And at last, but not least, once again I love and I feel loved. Although this time in a clear and true way like I have never felt before.